January 12, W Sussex
997 words of encouragement
Hedvig’s story
When we finished working together, Hedvig wanted to share her story. You can read her own words before mine.
I’ve been suffering from vulvodynia, the almost constant burning and/or knife sharp pain in the vulva, for as long as I can remember. As the case with many conditions that only affects women, very little is known about vulvodynia and even though more than 10% if all women suffer from it, most people still haven’t heard of it. I have fought to get medical help since my early teens and it wasn’t until I came to England for university that I finally got in contact with doctors that took me and this condition seriously.
After 5 years of intense (yet not effective) treatment in England I was finally offered to have the surgery where painful tissue in the vulva is removed. This is considered effective however is the very ‘last resort’ and not many women decide not to go through with it. I had been reading stories online of women that had gotten completely cured thanks to this surgery and could have pain free intercourse only two months post op. Unfortunately, my healing process came to be MUCH longer than that.
Even though the damaged tissue was removed I could still feel pain and I was constantly worried that something had gone wrong during the operation. Prior to the surgery my pain was mostly upon touch, but now the pain was constant and I could barely walk or sit. Weeks and even months went by and the pain remained. My surgeon had confirmed that the wound had healed beautifully and there should be no reason for me to be in such pain. I was in complete despair.
In common for all chronic pain conditions, I believe, is the long term effect it has on your mental health. After countless of efforts to get help and after numbers of romantic relationships to end due to my inability to have pleasurable intercourse – I was close to just giving up. Having chronic pain in your most private body part is nothing you feel comfortable talking about freely – leaving your feeling isolated and hopeless.
My first appointment with Richmond was unforgettable. I had been recommended Richmond by my surgeon and I had no expectations as I thought this would be just another physiotherapist, using the same treatment method that I’ve tried millions of times already. However, I can honestly say that I left that first appointment feeling hopeful for the first time in years. Richmond is an amazing coach and such an inspirational speaker! In just a few sessions he completely changed the way I look at and understands pain. His approach is very different from all other physiotherapists I’ve ever met – it was so refreshing and turned out to be the right thing for me. Instead of just focusing on the painful area, Richmond focuses on the whole person and so teaches you to understand your pain; why you feel it, what’s triggering it and how you easily can move your focus from it. He gave me easy exercises to do daily and thought me visualisation and breathing techniques which has changed my everyday life.
Even though I’m almost completely pain free today, I do still have bad days where things feels worse. However, something I’ve really learned through my sessions with Richmond is to not go into the state of panic and let all those catastrophic thoughts take over your life. Pain is constantly changing and there is no reason to believe that it will get worse just because you’re having a bad day.
I wish there were more physios like Richmond out there. Vulvodyina is a hell to live with and I wish that all women suffering from it could get as amazing support and treatment as I finally got.
Hedvig
What is vulvodynia?
Vulvodynia is persistent (or chronic) pain felt in and around the vulva. The type of pain varies, often described as burning or sharp. Women use many different words to capture their experience.
The possible contributing factors vary: e.g./ injury locally, local sensitisation of nerve endings, inflammation locally, infection, co-existence with other conditions that feature chronic pain, genetics. These factors are not necessarily separate. Each woman has her own story and set of circumstances.
** It is vital that the healthcare professional you see understands the condition and pain **
The traditional treatments include medication, creams and pain killers. Sometimes women have surgery.
However, there is much more you can do. Whilst medical treatments can be helpful, as with all chronic pain, the key is your understanding and the way you live, which are the controllables for you.
Pain Coaching
Pain Coaching focuses on you, your needs and picture of success.
We harness your strengths, resources and capabilities to ease your pain and suffering in different ways, within your day to day living.
I call this, living yourself better.
What this means, is how you go about your day to day life in your waking hours; i.e./ the bulk of your time.
How can I live in such a way that my thinking and actions are in line with my picture of success?
Together we answer that question, create your strategy (the plan to get from where you are to where you want to be), practice skills and their know how, which are the daily steps you take (habits).
Several other themes integrate with your strategy: (1) how to ease your pain and suffering (2) skills of being well (3) specific skills for particular activities you want to re-connect with.
Essentially, we clarify what matters to you and then look at the ways you can be successful.
Examples
Once you understand your pain, the way forward becomes clear.
In brief, pain is generated by your body systems (nervous, immune, endocrine, autonomic) and not by the body tissues where you feel your pain. The systems work together like an orchestra and make predictions to best guess what is happening for you in that moment, based on prior experiences, beliefs and expectations. Of course, most of this is subconscious processing of sensory information. Listen to Anil Seth on your predictive systems here and see the links below.
This is more complex yet creates many more opportunities to ease your pain.
The strategy and the skills you learn and put into practice aim to shape different experiences moving forward. What you do now is shaping what will come. With intent and skill, you can make things better.
Easing and transforming pain is akin to learning. You deepen your understanding, create new habits and build on what is working, and update what your body systems are doing and generating as experiences.
There is a stuckness with persistent pain as your body systems have reset themselves to generate pain in certain circumstances. You are seeking to get your systems to start making new and better predictions once more by learning and practicing a range of skills in your day to day living. This includes how you relate and respond to painful moments, setting yourself on a better path.
Skills that update your body systems (like Google maps updates) include movement, exercise, breathing, upgrading beliefs and expectations, diet, sleep habit, communication, stress management, energy management, self-care and compassion to name a few. All of these are under your control.
Together we clarify your needs and decide upon the best skills to take you forward.
You can discover more here.
Contact me here.
r.s.
Further information:
⚡️ About me: https://richmondstace.com/about/
🚚 Pain Talking blog — strategy + skills + know-how: https://open.substack.com/pub/richmondstace
📖 My book, Understand and Overcome your Chronic Pain: https://amzn.eu/d/hJm0hdG
🎥 Pain in the Person ~ two short films: https://www.youtube.com/@painintheperson/featured
🎙️ Podcast: https://youtu.be/nEa3UHb0Gos?si=QZuvP9541jzLz0UT