There are some really important things to remember as an antidote to guilt…
People tell me about the guilt they feel.
For different reasons.
- less able to help at home
- not contributing in the same way
- not working or restricted work
- feeling unwell
- tired
- in pain
- boom and bust, so up and down
- can’t care for the kids as before
There are many reasons.
Does this resonate?
Part of you is self-critical.
This part of you forgets your circumstances.
There is an expectation-reality mismatch.
The expectation is you should be able to do…. (fill the gap).
The reality is that right now, you cannot do it in that way.
You need a different way.
One that meets your needs.
This requires acceptance rather than resistance.
Acceptance is a rolling skill.
Sometimes it is easier than others.
Resistance to what is happening causes more suffering.
There is nothing to fight.
A fight merely brings casualties and tension.
Coming through the lens of self-compassion (Day 8), you will see this differently.
What would you say to a friend who was thinking this way?
They are feeling guilty for something that is not their fault…
Same with you.
You did not choose to be in this situation.
You did not choose to have the mind and body (they come together) you have.
Now you are doing your best with your knowledge and skills.
This is taking responsibility and finding your way forward.
Often with help — guidance, support and encouragement.
Seeing things as they are is the antidote to guilt
Guilt is a human emotion.
It has a feeling.
You were not born feeling guilty.
It comes about from situations and conditioning.
You do not have to engage with the feeling.
Instead, letting it be as you remind yourself you are doing your best.
This is seeing things as they really are rather than just through the eyes of the part of you that says ‘you should’.
That is not you.
You are the one who is aware of the thought and the feeling.
Letting it be, it will pass by.
With this practice, in time the feeling lessens.
This will give you more energy to focus on getting better.
See you tomorrow.
r.s.