Reflection To learn, to understand, to realise…
Taking a moment for reflection helps you see if you are going in the right direction.
It clarifies your a approach, intent, attitude, beliefs and expectations.
These are all characteristic of learning.
Transforming your experience is a learning process and learning needs reflection.
There are different ways you can do it, which I will describe below.
It maybe tempting to miss this step, but there are no shortcuts.
You have realised now that you don’t need fixing and that getting better is an active process — something you do, not something done to you.
Daily reflections
At the end of the day, write down three good things that have happened.
Wins, successes, positives.
They are there when you look.
Beware the part of you that says it has been a bad day.
No day is wholly bad. No day is wholly good.
These are narratives but not what actually happened.
On a more challenging day when there have been many moments of pain and symptoms, there will have been other moments of pleasure, relief, joy and other feelings.
Reflection allows you to see this and disrupts the convincing bad day story.
Realising these islands of calm is a really important part of getting better.
With your new patterns of activity, habits and approach, you are actively creating these islands more and more.
Changing your story is a key part of getting better.
Surprising successes
Some successes come about from the challenging times.
When you navigated a difficult moment or situation.
This is a success.
You did it the best way — that is success.
Not just numbers completed.
Needs met.
Some people believe success is a specific outcome.
This narrow measure almost makes success all about things you cannot control.
You cannot control results or outcomes.
Only the process.
That is why I say process over prize. You can control your process.
Not the prize.
If you make your success about your efforts and attitudes, you will get the best result you can, even if it is not the one you want.
Letting go of what you want and focusing on your needs and approach is a route to freedom.
A journal
Some people like to journal.
There are many ways.
My suggestion is to journal to stay on your path.
Towards your picture of success.
Journal on what lifts your energy, encourages you and makes you feel resourceful.
Look out for positive acts. Note your positive acts.
Acknowledge the other because they come too, but don’t follow them.
Gratitude
This is a popular practice nowadays, and rightly so because of the many healthy benefits.
Scientists and researchers have been looking at gratitude for some years now and it shifts your world view.
People describe feeling more positive emotions, enjoy their good experiences, build their health, relate to adversity with clarity and skill, and form strong relationships.
Here is how you can practice:
- Sit upright and relaxed
- Take a few breaths to be present
- Think of something or someone you are grateful for, bringing them to mind
- Notice how you feel — this is a whole person practice and not just a thinking exercise
- You can repeat this two or three times with different things or people
- This is a daily practice, and as with all practices, the results come when they come, but only if you are consistent
Specific reflections
There maybe some specific skills and strategies or situations to reflect upon.
For example, when someone has an increase in symptoms, we reflect on what has happened and how they responded.
What skills did they use? How did they deal with those moments? Those feelings?
This is real learning and progress.
There are going to be ups and downs.
It is how you ride them that matters because that is the part you can control and become more skilful at.
From the challenging moments, the skills get honed for the next time, meaning that suffering is eased — you get better at it.
This is the journey of getting better.
The obstacles become the way — they are the opportunities to get better.
Your practice
How will you now incorporate reflections into your day?
See you tomorrow.
r.s.
Resources:
🚚 My daily newsletter to understand and overcome pain: https://open.substack.com/pub/richmondstace
📖 My book, Understand and Overcome your Chronic Pain: https://amzn.eu/d/hJm0hdG
🎥 Pain in the Person ~ two short films: https://www.youtube.com/@painintheperson/featured